in our marriage, we're at a certain point.
people ask us, "so, how long have you been married?" and we're all "a year and a half."
and, without fail, someone always asks, "so are you trying to have babies yet?"
it's not like i'm offended, because i'm not. at all.
but we're not. and we don't plan on babies for a while longer.
if we're going to get real here, and i want to, i'll admit that i'm always always waiting at the end of the month, waiting to pull out that leftover pee stick i have up on a high shelf in the bathroom to see if i have something growing inside me.
month after month nothing happens. i writhe in pain for 5-7 days because i'm not pregnant. (high thanks to my uterus for that one. gracias, buddy.)
and i'm sad when that happens. and i'll always be sad when that happens. i love babies. i love looking at them, i love talking to them, i love talking about them, i love looking at cute baby clothes and imagining dressing babies up all day how i want to. i love thinking about first words and decorating a nursery and having a baby buddy all the time. and when aunt flo makes her grand entrance, i like to pretend that my massively bloated belly is my baby belly. nick is always like, "you're going to be the cutest preggo ever!"
and then we start talking about it. and then it becomes real, like "yeah we could start trying to have a baby."
and then the more we talk about it, the more i don't want one. it's not that i think it will be hard, or that i'm scared or that i just don't want to wake up a zillion times a night. because i do. i think as a human female we are built to withstand all sorts of pains, and i've endured many, and hope to be able to endure many more.
but it's just not right.
when it's the right time, i'll know. it's like i'm eyeing that one thing, that one dress i've been dying to splurge on, that vacation i really want to take, or the Canon 5D Mark III with a spanking new MacBook that i've been salivating over for so long. i want it. i know i could realistically have it. but there are things i need to buy before i get the "big things."
there are things i need to do before i have a baby. i don't know what those things are or when that will be, but when it happens i know that i'll know.
but for realsies, until that time happens i'll just sit here and want one, and want one, and think about having one. all the time.
meanwhile, let's love on my baby pinterest board.