busy & starving in between

now that i think about it, i'm really not sure how we do it.

being married is fantastic. i love it. i love snuggling at the end of each day, and i love being able to have someone to sneak me away from work to go on a lunch date or stops by my class and gives me cookies and milk. it's so awesome.

and sometimes, there is too much.

both of us work 20 hours a week at our jobs (i personally have 3 on campus jobs that equal 20 hours a week) and take full credit semesters at the same time. after classes/work hours end, he ends up at construction management club meetings, runs the center for sustainability, works on the new pizza cart design, helps with local campaigns, and manages his own club. i wander off to do design club things, work on collaboration projects in town, do freelance stuff, attend workshops, and above all DO MY HOMEWORK and STUDY STUDY STUDY. not to mention our church callings, managing carting our laundry to and from nick's parents' house at least once a week so we're not stinky or naked, remembering to come home during the day to take the dog out so she doesn't eat the house, and doing the dishes.

most of our time spent together is in the living room glued to our computer screens, having Netflix on in the background until the wee hours of the morning when i crawl into bed and prepare to wake up 3 hours later for class.

as far as being a wife goes, do i shave my legs? no. is that even a question? i'm lucky if i remember to make time to shower once every 4 days. when i do my hair it's like the heavens open, and i go "oh man, i don't look like homeless person!" and i make the hand gesture where i hold the touch down hand thing in front of my face and move it forward and backward over my head.

i cleaned the entire house the other weekend while nick was gone preparing for a competition at BYU. i remember thinking, "i knew i had extra time in my life to do wifey things." so i made halloween decorations, organized the office, did ALL the dishes, cleaned the areas with things like cleaner and magic erasers, aaaand then the next day i stayed up until 3 a.m. again doing homework, and the next after that i pulled an all nighter after sobbing in my bed because my dog ate all of the web products i was supposed to be shooting (cookies) and all of my CSS for my web project got corrupted somehow. so, no, i really didn't have that extra time in my life to clean the house. lesson learned, i moved on.

sometimes when we're both at home together, i ask him to assist me with things. but then i get snappy & he gets annoyed. he gives me his help & i get mad when he doesn't do exactly what i say or wanders off during a photo shoot when i need him to hold the reflector. he asks me for foot rubs, and i'm like "get that foot out of my face" and then i huff and puff and do it anyways. he asks for help on his work, and gets annoyed because i don't know what the heck he's talking about. at the end of the day we love each other, but we cannot work together when we're stressed. which is all of the time. lesson learned.

on mondays the hope pantry at our university gives out expiring bread and sweets, so sometimes i grab a loaf of bread or a tin of brownies and take it into my office, where it becomes 2 days worth of meals. sometimes i make pasta from a can & a box. sometimes most of the time i make top ramen with frozen vegetables & tony chachere's (i highly recommend this, by the way.) sometimes we have quesadillas, and when i'm feeling extra generous we have alfredo with vegetables AND chicken. today i had no-bake cookies for every meal. (meaning breakfast & late dinner.)

nick makes us baked potatoes, he gets free pizza from the pizza cart so if it's thursday or friday then we might get pizza, he's really good at making cookie dough (just to eat) and, of course, top ramen.  it's not that we can't afford to buy our groceries. it's that we forget to go shopping & don't have time to cook the turkey and ribs in the freezer.

that my friends is the honest truth of the busy married kids who do too much.

can i just say, though? like, this past week has been a miracle. it's been horrible, like i got a letter saying i owed money on a ticket that i never remember getting and they were going to send out a warrant for my arrest. and then projects got cancelled/pushed up, and then i was blindsided not once, not twice, but three times with design projects that i thought i was doing and then someone else did it. (it really felt like high school again. like i was sobbing on the bathroom floor, gasping for air, crying for an hour kind of sobbing that i remember doing when my boyfriend-supposed-to-be-future-husband broke up with me my junior year of high school, and nick couldn't stay up long enough to talk me out of it so i felt even more alone and teenage depressed.)

BUT GUESS WHAT. yesterday nick played hooky with me and we came home, ate cookies and SLEPT alllll day. i still had to go to a meeting and do some stuff, but for reals we were able to take a nap. a warm nap with fuzzy blankets and hot cider. and then today after class guess what? neither of us had anything to do! so we were AT OUR HOUSE FOR THE EVENING AT 6 PM. whaaat?

so now here we are, just chillin, eating some more no-bake cookies and dried fruit mix while we catch up on, well, everything. but there is no pressure because tomorrow is Thursday and the next day is Friday and we have all weekend to keep catching up until the next wave of projects arrives.

it's the little things, you know! being busy doesn't mean being separate or apart. even if we snap at each other i always make sure i run over and kiss his face before continuing to work on whatever i was working on. and he always tries to bring me snacks and treats during school & give me lots of hugs. (which if you can't tell is kind of the way to my heart)

we are both aware that we need to cut our activities down. slowly but surely we're weeding out projects and organizations and jobs. but we support each other & love each other & manage to wake up in the same bed every morning (even though we fall asleep at our computers, and most often on a couch) & kiss all the time & play with our dog & buy a new car (i still don't know how that happened) & remember to buy milk at 11pm at night because that seems to be the most convenient time to go to Wal-Mart. also, in love.

in conclusion, we are busy. we are starving. & we are happy.

12 comments:

  1. this might be my favorite post. i related to SO much of what you said. what is it about the 20's that are SO DANG HARD?! like what is this thing called being an adult?! i do NOT LIKE IT! haha. and girl, totally had a warrant out of my arrest in provo over a ticket I SWEAR TO YOU I did not get. It's a conspiracy I tell you. Like who doesn't remember getting pulled over?! I do. Except for that one time apparently. Ugh. whatever. People who have time to cook and clean can suck it. SO happy you have a sweet Nick to hug you when you need it :) happy growing up to you both!

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    1. police conspiracy!! haha I'm glad I'm not the only one! Hailey I just love you a whole lot. and I agree, people who have time to cook and clean... have a different lifestyle than ours haha.

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  2. this is cute! i've been freaking out about this lately too, and i think that you're absolutely right! school just needs to end and then all the married students will have time to each other ha ha.

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    1. right? I always think that if school could just END then I could have a normal life. someday, right?

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  3. preach it sister. i feel ya.

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  4. I feel like maybe I would step back and evaluate what is important and what is not. I honestly and truly believe that being overloaded and too busy is wrong. I hope you don't take offense to this but giving yourself so much to do that you feel like you're drowning, I mean, what is the benefit of that? I mostly just feel bad for your bodies though and that you're overworking it but also giving it only ramen and cookies. Everyone has there own things to handle and I'm not saying you don't know what you two should be doing right now but I just worry for couples that give themselves too much.

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    1. I do too, I worry for us haha. We get into ruts where we end up doing things like this, and then we re-evaluate, re-decide what we want to spend our time on and then change. Transitional periods, I tell ya. They're the best and the worst. & I agree with you on the cookies and Ramen. I really need to treat my body better.

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  5. stephanie, i SOOOOOOOOOOOOO appreciate posts like this!!!!!!!!!!! how long have you two been married? as a newlywed (5 1/2 months), i've definitely known the feeling of feeling alone, and frustrated that i'm feeling alone when, HELLO, i'm married i'm not supposed to feel that way! but it's just... marriage is the hardest thing i've ever done, and i'm pretty sure it's the hardest thing any of us will ever do. and people never talk about it, which makes lonely married people feel even MORE lonely. so i SO appreciate that you write about it earnestly. because really, whose marriage is NOT like this? i mean.. besides Bri Lamkin ^^^, apparently. There's also this girl in my ward who says her and her husband have been married for five whole months and never fought. it made me feel like crap - not that i should compare. but it's really, really relieving to hear we're not the only ones who are human and get too busy and get snappy. sometimes you don't get to choose how busy you are.

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    1. We've been married for about 2.5 years :) marriage is SO HARD! I think it's important to realize and show that marriage and being married is not even close to being perfect, and that it's okay to be like that. I hope you never feel like crap because you and your husband "fight," because it's really okay, and I hope you feel that (it's okay) instead. Unless you're beating your husband with a pole? Then maybe you should stop. being human is the worst/best, huh!

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  6. oh my goodness, i LOVED every word of this post!! my husband and i are also married, working, full time students in provo, trying to keep up with club involvement, hitting the gym every day (we are both addicted) keep up with church callings, on campus internships, having a social life, etc etc etc! last night, we made it to his little sister's intramural volleyball game. it was our first time supporting her & it was a miracle!

    it is exhausting trying to keep up with it all, & i am glad you can acknowledge it. life is legit HARD. but so rewarding at the same time. we are learning so much right now and shaping so much of our future selves. thats what i tell myself anyway, in the moment of no-sleep finals desperation.

    thanks again for sharing this & reminding us all that we are not perfect & that's ok. im excited to read more on your blog!

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    1. some day all of these crazy shenanigans will be worth it, right! ah your comment makes me so happy.

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